The second in an occasional series of posts about story pitches that were rejected by editors.

Most pitches leave my inbox in the form of two or three-paragraph ideas. But this one was so unusual that I thought I would have a crack at a first draft and see if an editor would be interested enough to ask me to expand on it. The answer was no. But one of the perks of having a blog, I suppose, is that I can at least publish it here:

Anyone who has tried their hand at a foreign language has tripped up over similar sounding words. I once informed a smoking compartment full of Russian army recruits on a train that my father worked “budil’nikom” (as an alarm clock) when I meant to say “bukhgalterom” (as an accountant). Just the other week, Hillary Clinton presented Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov with a cheap prop, a button that was intended to symbolize the realignment of US-Russian relations. Unfortunately for Clinton, her State Department translator got a little mixed up and the word “peregruzka” was printed on the button – meaning to overcharge – rather than”perezagruzka” to reset. It’s the sort of mistake that America’s cool commander-in-chief, President Barack Obama, will not want to make when he meets Russian President Dmitri Medvedev at the Group of 20 economic summit in London next week.

Here then, for the President and his advisors, are a few words with which he may want to take additional care during conversation:

*First and foremost, if the President notices a member of the Russian delegation pointing towards him and using the word “dylda” he should not be alarmed. A “dylda” is a lanky person.

*Russians love a bit of bawdiness. When sitting down to dinner, the President may wish to impress his Russian counterpart with a colloquialism such as “obozhrat’sia” meaning to stuff one’s face. This should never be confused with “obossat’sia” which means to wet oneself.

*At the end of the meal, pancakes may be served. As many Westerners already know, a “blini” is a pancake. But “blin” is a colloquial way of saying “damn.” (According to some Russians, it was also a humorous way of referring to a former American president as “Blin Clinton.”) President Obama may wish to stick to the international language of pointing at the plate of pancakes and smiling.

*After dinner, the President may like to declare himself “syd” or full up. Unfortunately, to the untrained ear, this is almost identical to “ssyd” — another word for describing the act of wetting oneself. Better perhaps, to let out a sigh and pat his belly.

*On parting, President Obama may wish to inform President Medvedev that he would like to write to him in future. Here, the danger lies in the stress on the verb “pisat’,” to write. “Ia khachu pi-SAT’” means I would like to write. “Ia khochu PI-sat’” means I would like to pee. When the verb involves doing something towards the president of a nuclear power, Mr Obama may want to make doubly sure before making any formal pronouncements.

My thanks to Dezik (slang for “deodorant” in Russian) for his linguistic advice and expertise.