Englishman in New York

And to end this Halloween Day a special treat (via Sunset Parker).

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Every so often the New York Times runs a story about the UK that just hits the nail right on the head. It doesn’t make me feel any happier that I left. Nor does it make me want to rush home. It just says something special about the country I left behind. Today, for your Halloween pleasure, it’s trick or treating UK style:

Fear of tricks — vandalism, really — drives much of the anti-Halloween feeling here now. Many police forces around the country have added patrols to deal with Halloween-instigated problems, including egg-and-flour-throwing, attacks on fences and doors, menacing gatherings of disaffected drunken youths and the theft of garden ornaments.

Like many other forces, the Cheshire police in northwestern Britain have been distributing no-trick-or-treating posters for people to affix to their windows. Fifty-eight percent of homeowners in a recent survey by the Norwich Union insurance company said they had hidden in the back of their houses and turned off all the lights on Halloween, pretending that no one was home.

A similar question came up last weekend, in a Halloween discussion group on Mumsnet, a popular mothers’ Web site here. The tips being traded were not about how to make pumpkin soup, but about how to repel would-be trick-or-treaters. “I’ve thought about removing the cover from my doorbell so they electrocute themselves,” one participant wrote.

For the sake of comparison, here’s another Halloween story that ran in the Metro section of the Times today:

Here in Garrison, and in suburban and exurban communities across the country, trunk-or-treating is the latest twist on the quintessentially American ritual of door-to-door candy-collecting, bringing Halloween from the uncertain streets to the safety of church and school parking lots, turning the backs of minivans and sport utility vehicles into the new front porch.

Trunk-or-treating — also known as Halloween tailgating — solves the rural conundrum in which homes built a half-mile apart make the simple act of ringing doorbells require some physical fortitude. Where neighbors are strangers, these community events substitute family-friendly entertainment for the unwanted risks of what lies behind each door.

And for churches that had disdained Halloween as a pagan ritual, trunk-or-treating has become a safe alternative for parents — and pastors — who wish to keep a watchful eye on children, often encouraged to dress as biblical characters.

“We live in the country, so our kids don’t have the chance to open the door and hand out candy to another kid because no one comes to your front door on Halloween,” said M. J. Martin, P.T.A. president at the Garrison Union Free School, who had purple bat wings protruding from the back of her head for the festivities. “This is a way to celebrate Halloween with the whole family without any of us parents having to worry about whose house our kid is going to, or if the kid will get hit by a car or get lost in the woods.”

Happy Halloween! Ooooh-ah-hah-hah-hah-hah…

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I arrived in this beautiful city three years ago today. And what better way to celebrate than by spending the day working on a newspaper story, a magazine story and a book? As you can see from the photograph above, the city is an inspiration for artists of all types.

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There’s a debate going on in the UK right now about faith schools. Most of the coverage seems to imply that faith schools are detrimental to multiculturalism. Even David Aaronovitch, with whom I often agree, is opposed:

I think that far too many Jews are being separated off into these ghetto schools. As I have written here before I believe that the Jewish experience is disappearing from mainstream schools, and the mutual incomprehension that Jewish students say that they encounter at university is the consequence of this enforced ignorance. I have never heard this point sufficiently addressed by the separate school zealots.

Jewish schools are also mildly abusive in that they set out to indoctrinate children religiously and politically. JFS - an excellent school by all accounts - promises several times to “give the students a positive view and experience of Israel”. This is no more the function of a school than to give a positive view of Iran or Pakistan or the United States or the Vatican. Children should be encouraged to make up their own minds what view to take of another country.

JFS also undertakes to inculcate in its students “a strong sense of Jewish identity”. But why? Don’t they get that at home? At synagogue? At Jewish Youth Group? How constantly Jewish do you need the children to be, for heaven’s sake? Do we really want schools demanding of the young that they experience exclusive senses of religious and communal identity? As opposed to, say, understanding the idea of the identity of others? We can all go off into our corners and celebrate our identities, Muslims in Muslim schools, Catholics in Catholic schools, and Sikhs in Sikh schools.

Please don’t accuse me of wanting to get rid of parental choice, because I don’t. It’s just that some choices are bad for the wider community, and separate schooling is probably one of them. So I would like Jewish parents to choose something else. And also don’t accuse me of being anti-choice unless you are prepared to allow non-Jewish parents to choose Jewish schools.

And that brings me to my great suspicion. It could of course be that the main motivation for collecting Jewish children under one roof is the desire to be together - huddling together for spiritual warmth. But isn’t there also an element of the desire to be apart, to be uncorrupted by the inferior or brutish other?

He’s got a point. Faith schools only serve to make an insular community more insular. And the majority of Jewish parents want only one thing for their Jewish children—to find a Jewish partner, have Jewish kids and keep the faith. Hence the need to herd them off in Jewish schools. But let’s face it, where else can minority children learn so much about their culture and religion as they can in school?

I spent four years at a Jewish school between the ages of 9 and 13. Yes, some teachers tried to foist their beliefs on us. I remember one in particular, a holocaust survivor, who practically told us never to trust anyone who wasn’t Jewish. But we all had our own minds, our own parents, our own influences. Jewish school gave us the chance to learn about Jewish history and culture every day rather than once a week at Jewish Sunday school.

Rather than alienating me from British society, my Jewish education made me a better citizen. It gave me the confidence to live in Britain with a deep knowledge of my Jewish heritage. In many ways I suppose it gave me the confidence years later to become an unaffiliated Jew (sorry mum and dad). I know how to mark all of the major festivals. I can read Hebrew. I have a basic knowledge of my history and my culture. I’ve studied Torah. I’ve led services in synagogue. And I still decided it’s not for me.

Now, there’s a crazy idea in the UK to force faith schools to accept a percentage of pupils of different faiths. Will non-Jewish children attending Jewish schools have to learn Hebrew and take part in school Seders and Kabbalat Shabbat services? I would estimate that at least one-fifth of my time at Jewish school was spent studying something on a Jewish theme. If non-Jewish pupils are excused from these Jewish activities, what will they do instead? (And what was the point in them being in a Jewish school in the first place?)

In a multicultural society minorities are always going to want to find ways to pass their heritage on to their children. And in many cases teachers are more capable, more knowledgeable, and have more time than parents. Let faith schools teach minority children about their heritage. Then send them out into the world and let them make their own decisions.

PS Regarding David’s:

As for the “mutual incomprehension” at university. Most people I met at university either went to boarding school—not a well-known Jewish activity—or came from parts of England with little or no Jewish community. So doing away with Jewish schools in Manchester and London would have made little difference to them.

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I fixed my comment problem. And I also noticed a problem with the sidebar in IE which I have also fixed. Email me if you notice any more glitches.

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A decrepit, bent-over old lady in a green dress and a pillbox hat was trying to make it across 7th Avenue at 23rd street. Of course she moved very slowly and the light changed before she could get all the way across, and so she was stuck about half-way out in the street as cars whizzed around her. Still, eyes set straight ahead, she struggled determinedly on, step by step toward the curb.

A bread truck roared around the corner and headed straight for her. It looked like he was going to plow her down, but instead he slammed on his brakes, stopping mere feet from her and laying on his horn.

The old lady started, then stopped dead in her tracks, straightened herself up, and turned to face the trucker. “Fuck you!” she said, and gave him the finger.

The Hotel Chelsea has a wonderful blog.

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According to a couple of emails some people are having trouble commenting on this site. Apparently they fill out the comment box but the submit button does not work.

Since some people have commented in the past week, I can only assume that the comment problem is with certain browsers. The problem began before the latest release of Internet Explorer so it can’t be that.

Does anyone have an idea how I can fix this? You may want to email me your advice.

UPDATE: The problem appears to be Internet Explorer. I’m working on a solution. In the meantime, my apologies (and condolences) to IE users.

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I received the following email today from my namesake Weldon Berger (no relation) who I briefly wrote for at Betty The Crow News:

Hi, Paul. Would you be interested in suggesting a question to be asked of the White House? The guy there who handles Eric’s pass requests has become an official White House spokesman, and he’s agreed to answer on the record a selection of questions Eric and I will pick from those submitted by readers. If you’re interested let me know, and if you think this is something your readers might enjoy, I’d be grateful if you share it with them. I know we’re not on the same page politically, but the main criterion for the questions is not frame of reference but quality.

A real chance to ask the White House a question. And you know what was weird? My mind went blank. Since I only get one question I want it to be a really good one. Not a question that can be easily ducked or parried but something that will force the Bush White House to accept and address, on the record, one of the countless things it has done wrong. But still, the question fails me.

What about you?

If you have any ideas please paste them into this comment thread or send them to me and I will personally pass them on.

I’m going to have a think about it over the next few days. We’ve got until the end of the week.

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An excerpt from the obituary of Lieutenant-Colonel John Pine-Coffin:

In 1963 he was in Nassau when he was ordered to investigate a party of Cuban exiles that had infiltrated Andros Island, part of the Bahamas. His seaplane landed in thick mud and Pine-Coffin decided that his only chance of reaching dry land was to strip off.

On coming ashore, plastered in mud and wearing only a red beret and a pair of flippers, he was confronted by a party of armed Cubans. Mustering as much authority as he could in the circumstances, he informed the group that they were trespassing on British sovereign territory and were surrounded.

The following morning, when the Royal Marines arrived to rescue him they were astonished to find him and his radio operator in a clearing standing guard over the Cubans and a pile of surrendered weapons. He was appointed OBE.

Via Nick.

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I’m not brainwashed, just prepared to be a martyr
Young fire-starter
And the world won’t act.
Detonate my body,
Take some dignity back.

The lyrics from a song called The Grip Again (A Day in the Life of a Suicide Bomber) by Leeds-born hip-hop artist MC Braintax.

You can see from the above photograph that MC Braintaxed has much in common with the Palestinian people.

According to his Wikipedia entry (possibly written by Joseph Christie AKA “MC Braintax” himself?):

Throughout his career, Braintax’s lyrics have been thoughful (sic), hard hitting and reflective, ranging from politics to spirituality and the state of hip hop music.

Suicide bombing as a way for Palestinians to get their dignity back? Braintaxed indeed.

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Due to a slight technical cock-up the post that some of you may have seen this morning entitled “Choose Your Words” has been moved. You will find it over at an exciting new literary weblog, called Television is Furniture, that has been started by my good friend Brendon and to which I shall be contributing for the foreseeable future. Here’s Brendon’s description of the site:

Theatre is life. Cinema is art. Television is furniture. ~Unknown.

Thus the provenance of this site’s appellation.

And now to answer the obvious question: “Why is television furniture?” First, press the power button on your remote. Place it on your coffee table. Now step away. Okay, now we’ll explain.

This site is about books. Book reviews. Writing tips. Quotes. Excerpts. Grammar. (Gasp! Yes, even that!) Literary devices and inspiration. We’re not here to tell you why literature resides on a loftier asthetic plain than “The OC.” We are not going to argue for the cancellation of “Deadwood.” As a matter of fact, please DO NOT cancel “Deadwood.” What we want is to maybe remind people that the personal engagement that someone has with a book is something television could never provide. To convey the nostalgia of closing the cover of a truly great story. But not in a prosyltizing, bombing abortion clinics kind of way. We just want to remind you that sometimes the best thing on TV is a strong drink.

Good luck Brendon

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As I crossed the road at the intersection of Atlantic Avenue and Flatbush Avenue (towards the top right of the picture) yesterday morning I wondered who on earth would want to live in the fancy condominiums being built in the Williamsburgh Bank Building (center).

It’s bad enough living up the road near Grand Army Plaza and having to cross Flatbush Avenue almost every day. But the idea of having to pass this noisy, fume-ridden intersection fills me with dread.

If you don’t believe me take a look for yourself at the snarl up yesterday morning at about 11.30am. I couldn’t see why traffic was backing up along Atlantic Avenue. But I wouldn’t say that the resulting mess is not an uncommon site in the area.

If the traffic is bad now, just imagine what it will be like in ten years when the Atlantic Yards project with its twelve skyscrapers, thousands of housing units, 20,000-seater basketball arena, and no doubt hundreds of new businesses, is built? And what will it be like for the thousands of people who will have to live and work down there?

And as for the Williamsburgh Savings Bank residents, unless they’re on a very high floor looking out towards Manhattan they’ll be missing one of the best sights in the borough—the bank building itself.

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At Future Phone (via David Pogue).

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